Say What? Part One

Everybody knows what an urban legend is – it’s a story that everybody will swear on a stack of Bibles is true, may even, in fact, claim to have experienced themselves, but which never happened.

Anyone who has aspirations of being a professional writer knows the importance of research. No matter how obscure your subject matter, there’s going to be one person who buys your book and reads it who is the world’s leading expert on that subject and who will inevitably point out your smallest error.

The problem is that writers are also readers, and most of us like to go to the movies, and a few of us will even admit to watching television. As a result, we’ve unconsciously absorbed misinformation, and more often than not it will find its way into our work. What I’m going to do here is make a list of some of the more frequently encountered “urban myths.” Take notes - there’ll be an editor waiting to review your work at the end.

1. Our hero, a martial arts expert, is in a heated battle with a baddie. Striking the villain on the bridge of the nose, he “kills him instantly” by a “driving splinters of bone into his brain.”

I had my doubts about this one the first time I read it. However, I consulted a real martial arts expert and asked if this was, in fact, possible. His answer was no – and yes. And for the reasons I always that it was possible.

You can kill someone by sending bone splinters into their brain, but you can’t “kill them instantly.” Those parts of the brain that control our autonomic reflexes—the ones that control our breathing and heartbeat—are located in the back of the skull. What’s in the front, right behind the nose, is the cerebellum. Bone splinters would cause internal bleeding, which would eventually kill the victim—the much talked-about cerebral hemorrhage—but it would take time. How much time would depend on the level of damage and bleeding, but several minutes are required for severe damage and it can take days if the damage is small.

2. The heroine braids her long, silky hair into a single braid and pins it on her head, usually in a big rush.

I have long, silky hair. I get the feeling the majority of those who include this little tidbit don’t because if they did they would know better. If you want to get it out of your way in a hurry and don’t have anything to tie it with, you take one strand, wrap it around a few times then tuck the end under the wrap. It’s not the sturdiest construct going, but it does the job.

Braiding long hair, on the other hand, is a fairly time consuming project, and doing a single braid is the hardest because you have to be fairly flexible to accomplish it. No problem for a young ’un, of course, but if your heroine is just trying to get her hair out of her face and doesn’t have a lot of time to do it in, this isn’t your best choice.

And while I’m on the subject—nobody with long, silky hair brushes it when it’s wet. You use a comb to get the tangles out because “silky” equals “fine,” and anybody with fine hair can tell you what a pain it is to untangle. Add those waves and/or curls romance writers are so fond of and the situation becomes even more complicated.

3. Someone is knocked on the head, is unconscious for an unspecified length of time but usually at least half an hour, comes to and jumps up to go about his/her business with maybe just a headache.

More likely a subdural hematoma—a blood clot on the brain.

Here’s the deal: the longer a person is unconscious, the greater the threat of brain damage. That’s why when you get whacked on the head the doc at the ER asks if you were unconscious and, if so, how long. Minor brain damage is incurred if someone is out for 45 seconds. It increases with the time. And when the victim does come to he or she is going to have a whopping headache and very likely a concussion.

Among the symptoms of a concussion are: confusion, headache, nausea or vomiting, blurred vision, loss of short-term memory (you may not remember the actual injury and some time before and after the impact) and perseverating (repeating the same thing over and over, despite being told the answer each time, for example, "Was I in an accident?")

As an example of just how mild a blow it takes to trigger a concussion, my son banged heads with another player during a basketball game and got a mild one that was scary enough to ship him to the ER. So take it easy with those noggins, people—they’re more fragile than they look.

4. Someone, usually the heroine, faints and is unconscious for any length of time up to several hours.

Oh, come now. One faints because of insufficient blood flow to the brain. Everyone knows the cure is to get the fainter’s head down and restore that blood flow. The minute the swooner hits the floor he/she is already recovering. A true faint never lasts for more than a second or two, if that.

I’ve been asking around and have a hefty list of more such factual faux pas, but I’ll save them for next time.